Coparenting Over Christmas: How to Agree Arrangements for Divorced Parents

Arranging child access during Christmas can be difficult, especially when emotions run high. Making clear child arrangements is essential, as these are a key focus for separated parents to ensure the child's well-being and stability during the festive season.

The festive season is a time for family, joy, and togetherness, but for divorced parents, co-parenting over Christmas can bring unique challenges. Arranging child access during Christmas can be difficult, especially when emotions run high. As family mediation specialists at Digital MIAM, we understand how sensitive this time of year can be for both parents and children. Through thoughtful planning and open communication, however, it is possible to create a positive experience that respects each parent’s wishes and prioritises the needs of the children. In this article, we’ll explore effective strategies, examples, and solutions for navigating Christmas as separated parents.

The Importance of Planning and Communication

Effective co-parenting during Christmas starts with open and proactive communication. By discussing arrangements well ahead of time, divorced parents can minimise last-minute conflicts and help everyone involved understand what to expect. Creating a detailed plan for where the children will be and when can also help reduce anxiety and make the holiday season smoother. It is important for both you and your co-parent to be on the same page to ensure a smooth and enjoyable festive season for the children.

Consider the following planning tips:

1. Plan Early: Start discussions well in advance of December, ideally a few months prior. This ensures there’s ample time to explore different options.

2. Be Flexible: Christmas traditions may need to be adjusted to fit the new family structure. Flexibility is key to accommodating everyone’s needs.

3. Keep the Children’s Needs First: Children benefit most from a conflict-free holiday season. Their needs, comfort, and enjoyment should be the main priorities.

4. Consider Practical Issues: When making arrangements, take into account practical issues such as travel, accommodation, and family traditions to ensure the plans are realistic and comfortable for everyone.

Strategies for Sharing Time with the Children

There are various ways to share time with children over Christmas. Here are some practical arrangements that many co-parents find helpful:

1. Alternating Years: One parent has the children for Christmas Day one year, and the other parent has them the next year. This is a straightforward approach that ensures fairness and stability.

2. Splitting Christmas Day: For parents who live near each other, splitting Christmas Day can allow both parents to spend time with the children. One parent could have them in the morning and the other in the afternoon. However, this approach can be challenging if it requires multiple changes in location throughout the day.

3. Celebrating on Different Days: In some cases, it might make sense for one parent to celebrate with the children on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day, while the other has them on Christmas Day. Children can enjoy double the festivities, and parents avoid direct competition over Christmas Day itself.

4. Extended Family Time: Consider coordinating plans with extended family. If both sides of the family celebrate together, this may allow each parent to spend some time with the children on Christmas without multiple transitions.

Mediation sessions can help parents agree on child arrangements and resolve disputes outside of court, making the process smoother and less stressful for everyone involved.

Long-Distance Co-Parenting Challenges

For divorced parents who live far apart, co-parenting over Christmas can be especially challenging. The logistics of travel, accommodation, and changes in routine can be demanding for both parents and children. Here are some ideas for long-distance co-parents:

1. Extended Visits: If travelling during the holiday season, consider extending the visit so the children can spend meaningful time with both parents. This could mean spending a few days with each parent instead of a single day.

2. Virtual Celebrations: When in-person visits aren’t feasible, consider a virtual celebration. Video calls on Christmas Day, opening presents together online, or sharing holiday moments through pictures and messages can help children feel connected with both parents, regardless of location. While text messages can be useful, they may not be the best way to communicate sensitive arrangements—consider using a video call or phone call for more direct and clear communication.

3. Alternating Holidays: Some parents choose to alternate major holidays, with one parent having the children over Christmas and the other over New Year’s, rotating each year. This arrangement ensures that children still enjoy dedicated time with each parent during the holiday season.

In these situations, a family mediator can be an invaluable resource to help parents create a practical and emotionally supportive arrangement that prioritises the children’s well-being.

When Parents Cannot Agree

If divorced parents struggle to agree on Christmas arrangements, the tension can create an emotionally challenging atmosphere for the children. Disagreements often arise when both parents want to be with their children on Christmas Day, and sometimes, compromises seem out of reach. Prolonged conflicts can cause children to feel torn between parents, which can be distressing.

Our team at Digital MIAM can facilitate open discussions, offering neutral guidance to help parents focus on solutions that minimise stress for the children. By approaching these discussions through the mediation process, parents can work collaboratively to reach an agreement that serves the best interests of their children. The process usually begins with a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM), where mediation information is provided to help parents understand their options and decide if mediation is suitable. The Family Mediation Council plays a key role in accrediting mediators and ensuring professional standards are met. Only a mediator accredited by the Family Mediation Council can sign the MIAM attendance form if the case proceeds to court.

For eligible families, the family mediation voucher scheme and voucher scheme are available to help cover the costs of mediation sessions, making the process more accessible. Legal aid may also be available for those on a low income, and it can cover the cost of the first mediation session. If parents reach an agreement, it can be formalised through a consent order, which is a legally binding document, or a court order if necessary. Court should be considered a last resort, as it can be costly and time-consuming, and a court date may be delayed due to backlogs.

Alternative Ideas for a Harmonious Christmas

While it may not suit everyone, some divorced parents choose to spend Christmas together with their children. This approach can be particularly beneficial for younger children, who may find it difficult to understand why they must divide their time. Sharing Christmas as a family can also reduce logistical stress, as it avoids transitions during a typically busy day.

However, this arrangement requires a strong, cooperative relationship between the divorced parents, and it may not work if there are unresolved conflicts. It also requires consideration of new partners. Including new partners or even wider family members in shared celebrations can be successful but requires clear communication and boundaries to ensure everyone feels comfortable. It is also important to consider the child's feelings and the emotional impact of arrangements, especially when introducing new partners, as feelings can run high during the holidays.

Considering the Needs of the Wider Family

When arranging Christmas plans, it’s important to consider how extended family members on both sides may be affected. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins may wish to spend time with the children, which can make planning more complex. Coordinating time with extended family can sometimes involve compromise from both parents. Including other family members and both their parents in holiday plans is important, as family law supports the child's right to maintain relationships with both parents and wider family. A family mediator can help create a balanced arrangement that ensures everyone feels included while prioritising the children’s experience.

New Partners and Blended Families

New partners and blended families can add an additional layer of complexity to Christmas arrangements. If either parent has a new partner, it’s essential to handle this aspect sensitively, especially if children are adjusting to the change. Mediation can help create an arrangement that respects all parties, encouraging open discussions around boundaries and ensuring children feel comfortable and supported. Child inclusive mediation is also available, allowing young people to have a voice in decisions that affect them and ensuring their views are considered in the arrangements.

Why Family Mediation is the Key to a Positive Outcome

Family mediation offers a structured, supportive environment where separated parents can discuss and negotiate Christmas arrangements in a way that prioritises their children’s needs. Accredited mediators help guide the process and ensure decisions are based on the child's best interests. A skilled family mediator can help parents:

• Focus on the best interests of the children.

• Encourage cooperative problem-solving and reduce conflict.

• Help each parent feel heard and respected.

• Offer creative solutions that might not have been previously considered.

Mediation services can provide advice and support for making arrangements after divorce or separation, helping parents who are divorcing or separating to resolve practical issues and make arrangements that work for everyone. Mediation is a cost-effective, constructive way to resolve holiday arrangements, and how much mediation typically costs is often significantly less than court proceedings. The process of making arrangements through mediation allows parents to agree on plans that suit their family's needs. Top tips for successful co-parenting over the festive season include open communication, flexibility, and keeping the children's needs at the centre of all decisions.

Need Help with Christmas Co-Parenting Arrangements?

If you’re struggling to make Christmas arrangements work as separated parents, Digital MIAM can help. With professional, compassionate support, we’ll work with you to create a plan that works for everyone involved. Get started by registering an account at Digital MIAM and take the first step towards a peaceful, happy holiday season. Remember, this is a magical time for children, and positive co-parenting can make it truly special.