Unmarried Couple Mediation: A Practical Guide to Separating Without Court
Separation is never easy, and for unmarried couples, it can be even more complicated. Without the legal protections of marriage, unmarried couples do not have the same rights as married couples or those in a civil partnership. This means there are important legal distinctions, especially regarding property, finances, and children, which can quickly escalate disputes during a relationship breakdown.
But there’s a better way to handle the breakup.
Family mediation offers a structured, affordable, and non-confrontational path to resolving disagreements - helping cohabiting couples and other family members reach fair agreements without stepping into a courtroom.
In this blog, we’ll explore:
What mediation is and how it works for unmarried couples
Common family issues addressed through mediation
Why you don’t need to go to family court
The differences in legal rights between married couples, civil partners, and unmarried couples
Legal considerations and how to make agreements legally binding documents
Do Unmarried Couples Have the Same Legal Rights as Married Ones?
In short - no, unmarried couples do not have the same rights as married couples or those in a civil partnership.
Despite the popular myth, there is no such thing as a “common-law marriage” in England and Wales. This means:
You don’t automatically share assets like a married couple would.
Married couples and civil partners have different legal protections under family law, including rights to the family home and financial support on separation.
You have no automatic right to your partner’s property or pension.
Even if you lived together for years, the law treats you as separate individuals unless you’ve made formal agreements.
Property ownership disputes for unmarried couples are often resolved under family law using a TOLATA (Trusts of Land and Appointment of Trustees Act 1996) claim, which allows individuals to seek a legal decision about their rights to a shared property.
That’s why mediation can be so valuable - it helps you make sense of your situation and avoid a legal battle.
What Is Mediation for Unmarried Couples?
Mediation is a voluntary process that is confidential, where a trained, neutral family mediator helps you and your ex-partner:
Identify issues you disagree on
Discuss your options calmly and constructively in the same room or via shuttle mediation in separate spaces
Reach mutually acceptable arrangements
Avoid the stress, cost, and delays of family court
It’s not counselling. Mediation is focused on the practical issues of separating - like who gets what, where children live, and how finances are handled. Mediation is especially helpful for separating couples who want to avoid conflict and court.
Our mediators are fully insured and accredited by the Family Mediation Council, ensuring a professional and safe environment for all parties.
What Issues Can Mediation Help Unmarried Couples Resolve?
Property and Finances
Who stays in the family home?
What happens to joint savings or debt?
How do you divide furniture, belongings, or cars?
Were there any verbal or written agreements in place?
Can you provide bank statements or other evidence of financial contributions to support your claim to property ownership?
Tip: If you made unequal contributions to a home owned in joint names, mediation can help you agree a fair financial settlement - without triggering costly legal action. If only one partner made significant contributions, this can affect property ownership and how the family court views your rights.
Mediation can also help you avoid the high legal costs often associated with property ownership disputes.
Parenting Arrangements
What arrangements for children will be made, including where the children will live?
How will contact be arranged between parents and children?
Who covers day-to-day and school expenses?
Can parents agree on schooling or holidays?
Child inclusive mediation allows children to have a voice in the process, with parents and mediators working together to reach the best outcomes for the children.
Child Maintenance
How much should be paid to meet the children's needs?
Who pays for extras like uniforms or clubs?
How often should payments be reviewed?
How will each parent, or both you as parents together, contribute to maintenance?
These discussions help clarify parents' ongoing responsibilities.
Is Mediation Legally Binding for Unmarried Couples?
The outcome of mediation is not automatically legally binding, but it can be made binding if you both agree:
For financial/property matters, you can create a Separation Agreement, a legally binding document with help from a solicitor, and then apply for a consent order to make the agreement enforceable by the family court.
For parenting matters, you can ask the court to turn your agreement into court orders by consent, which are approved by a judge and become legally binding.
The agreement reached in mediation for ongoing maintenance can be formalised by a judge and can align with Child Maintenance Service guidelines.
Mediation gives you clarity and a paper trail, which is often enough to avoid future disputes. However, court orders, approved by a judge, provide legal enforceability if needed.
What Happens During the Mediation Process?
Mediation works as a structured, neutral process where accredited mediators help parties resolve disputes by facilitating open communication and guiding them toward mutually acceptable solutions.
MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting - Each party attends a separate, confidential meeting with an accredited family mediator, who is accredited by the Family Mediation Council, to discuss whether mediation is suitable.
Joint Mediation Sessions - If both parties agree to proceed, you’ll meet together in the same room or via shuttle mediation in separate spaces for a mediation session to discuss your issues. For eligible parties, legal aid covers the first mediation session.
Agreement Drafting - If you reach an agreement, the accredited mediator provides a summary of proposals you can take to a solicitor, and the agreement reached can be formalised.
Most couples reach resolution within 2–3 sessions, depending on complexity. Most disputes are resolved through mediation sessions with accredited mediators.
How Much Does Mediation Cost?
How much mediation costs is generally much lower than solicitor negotiation fees or court proceedings, making it a more affordable option for resolving disputes.
Compared to legal fees and court costs, mediation is extremely affordable:
MIAMs cost between £84.99–£124.99
Joint sessions are typically £100–£150 per person, per hour
If you are on a low income, you may be eligible for legal aid to help cover the costs of mediation. Additionally, the family mediation voucher scheme (a government-supported voucher scheme) can provide up to £500 towards the cost of family mediation sessions. These schemes help reduce the financial barrier for those who need support, though the voucher scheme is specifically for mediation sessions and does not cover MIAMs or other related costs.
At Digital MIAM, we offer online MIAMs and digital mediation pathways to make the process faster, cheaper, and easier to access - wherever you are in England or Wales.
Before finalising any agreements reached in mediation, we recommend seeking expert advice to ensure your decisions are fully informed.
What If My Ex Won’t Mediate?
If your ex refuses to take part, you can still:
Request a MIAM certificate to proceed with court applications (for child arrangements or property disputes), which may lead to the family court process and formal court proceedings as the next steps.
Gather evidence of your willingness to mediate - which can work in your favour in court, especially since court proceedings can be stressful, lengthy, and costly.
Mediation is voluntary, but the courts often expect you to have at least attempted it before litigating. Allegations of domestic abuse can exempt parties from the requirement to attend a MIAM before applying to court.
Complaints Process and Your Rights
If you have concerns about your mediation experience, you can raise them through the mediator’s complaints process. Accredited mediators are required to have a clear, accessible complaints procedure to ensure your concerns are addressed fairly and promptly.
FAQs About Mediation for Unmarried Couples
Do we have to live together to use mediation?
No. Mediation is suitable for all couples who shared finances or parenting responsibilities - whether you cohabited or not.
Can mediation help if we agree on most things already?
Yes! Many couples use mediation to finalise and formalise their agreement with expert support and avoid future disputes.
Can we include new partners in the process?
In some cases, yes - especially if the new partner is involved in co-parenting. The mediator will assess suitability and dynamics beforehand.
Is mediation safe if I’m worried about seeing my ex?
Mediation sessions can be arranged so that both you and your ex-partner are never in the same space at the same time, using shuttle mediation. This ensures safety and comfort for all parties.
Final Thoughts: Separation Doesn’t Have to Mean Court
For unmarried couples, separating can feel like stepping into a legal grey area - but it doesn’t have to. Mediation gives you a clear, supported path to resolve everything from financial settlements to parenting schedules, without the cost or stress of going to family court.
If you’re looking for a fair, practical way to move forward, start with a MIAM. Our experienced mediators are fully trained and here to help you take the next step.