Mediation is not right for every situation. Being clear about when it is not appropriate protects both people — and helps you find the right route faster. This guide explains the main reasons mediation may not be suitable and what happens next.

Domestic abuse and coercive control

Domestic abuse — including physical violence, emotional abuse, financial control, and coercive or controlling behaviour — is the most common reason mediation is assessed as unsuitable. Mediation depends on both people being able to negotiate freely and honestly, which is rarely possible where one person has been subject to abuse. The victim may feel unable to speak openly, may agree to unfair outcomes under pressure, or may be at genuine risk. Where domestic abuse is present, a MIAM exemption may also apply, allowing an application to court without attending a MIAM at all. If domestic abuse is part of your situation, please contact a specialist organisation such as the National Domestic Abuse Helpline (0808 2000 247) before making decisions.

Significant power imbalance

Even without abuse, a significant power imbalance can make mediation unsuitable — for example, where one person has far greater financial knowledge and control, a professional or legal background the other lacks, or where one is emotionally resilient and the other in crisis. A skilled mediator assesses these dynamics at the MIAM. Sometimes adjustments — such as shuttle mediation, separate preparation, or independent legal advice alongside the process — can make mediation workable; sometimes the imbalance is simply too great.

Unwillingness to engage

Mediation needs genuine willingness from both people, not just attendance. If one person takes part only to appear cooperative, to delay court, or to extract information, mediation will not produce a fair outcome. Mediators are trained to identify this and will close the case if it persists. That said, there is a real difference between difficulty and unwillingness — many cases that seem impossible at the outset reach agreement once both people feel heard.

Active safeguarding concerns

Where there are active safeguarding concerns about a child — for example, where social services are involved or there is an immediate risk — mediation is not the right route, and court intervention may be needed, sometimes urgently. In these cases an urgency or child protection exemption typically applies.

What happens if mediation is ruled out

If mediation is assessed as unsuitable at the MIAM — whether due to abuse, safeguarding, power imbalance, or the other person's refusal — you still receive your MIAM certificate. It confirms that a MIAM took place and that mediation was assessed as unsuitable, and you can include it with a court application in the usual way. You are not disadvantaged for being in a situation where mediation cannot safely proceed.

The MIAM is the assessment, not a commitment

If you are unsure whether mediation is suitable, attending a MIAM is the right first step — the mediator assesses your circumstances and tells you honestly whether it can work. Our online MIAMs start at £95 with FMC-registered mediators, and if mediation is not suitable, you receive your certificate to proceed to court. If domestic abuse is a factor and you are worried about attending, speak to a specialist organisation first, and remember the MIAM exemption may apply.