One of the most common worries people have is what happens if their partner or ex will not take part. The reassuring answer is that their refusal does not stop you. You can attend your own MIAM, receive your certificate, and move forward — whether or not they choose to engage.

The MIAM is your appointment, not theirs

A common misconception is that both people attend a MIAM together. They do not. Each person attends their own individual, private appointment with the mediator. This means you do not need your partner's agreement, cooperation, or even their knowledge to book and attend yours. You simply book with an FMC-registered mediator, attend, and receive your MIAM certificate (the FM1 form) — the document the court requires.

What the mediator does after your MIAM

If, after your MIAM, you would like to explore mediation, the mediator contacts your partner directly — usually by letter, email or call — to explain the process and invite them to their own appointment. You are not expected to pass on this invitation yourself. Mediators understand that direct communication between separating people has often broken down; that is exactly why they make the first contact for you. If your partner agrees and both of you are willing, joint sessions are arranged. If either of you declines, you both still receive your certificates.

If your partner still refuses

If your partner refuses to attend after being contacted — or does not respond at all — the mediator records this on your certificate, noting that the other party was invited and declined. Importantly, your certificate is not withheld because of their refusal. You receive it, and it is valid for your court application. You are not penalised for their non-cooperation; the court focuses on your conduct, not theirs.

How the court views a refusal

A refusal to engage with the MIAM process is not a neutral act. Courts in England and Wales expect people to have genuinely considered non-court dispute resolution. An unreasonable refusal to even attend a MIAM, without a valid reason, is a factor the court can take into account when deciding who pays legal costs — and can, in some cases, result in a costs order against the refusing party.

Don't wait for them — book your MIAM

You can book your MIAM today, independently of your partner. Once you attend, the mediator handles the contact with them. Whether they engage or not, your certificate is issued and your options stay open. Our online MIAMs start at £95, with a Fast Track appointment typically available the same day — there is no requirement for your partner to be told before you book.